17 November 2005
i'm not really worried about turning 30. . .especially since my body
has felt 30 for the last 3 years. . .but i also can't say that i'm
terribly thrilled about it.
i remember as i was growing up (that may be a stretch) hearing that you
aren't really a man until you turn 30. perhaps i'm suffering from a
slight case of peter pan syndrome, but i don't know that i am ready to
perceive myself as an adult. i've tried to take inventory of my
childish, immature habits and i drew many blanks. i'm sure i still have
some, but i'm not very aware of them. i still have the desire to call
all parents mr. and mrs. __________, but now that many of my friends
are parents, that line is getting blurry.
my dad turned 30 half a year after i was born. . .and as i'm about to
turn 30, i have 2 children and a third on the way. i'm not attempting
to be sentimental, but i have given some time to imagining where my
kids will be in 30 years and what they will be doing. it is fun to
scope out great plans and chart out how to reach those goals, but i
know that i have very little control and that i cannot force my
children to be what i want them to be. greatfully, i praise God that
they will be what He wants them to be and humbly i ask Him to continue
changing my wants to His.
more later. . .
peace and java
e-rabbi @ 22:58 | comments(114) | link
