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untrue statements that i heard as a child

i don't think people intend to mislead their children/ grandchildren/ nephews/ nieces. . .but it seems that a lot of untrue statements get passed along to younger generations and i can't understand why. perhaps you have heard some of the following:

  • if you are bad, santa will put coal in your stocking.
    • i will refrain from my whole santa rant, but how many bad kids have ever received coal on Christmas? did you ever see any of the bad kids in your school pull out their stash of coal on the 26th of december? i saw plenty of them bringing cool stuff to school after vacation. . .so how could anyone buy into this?
  • if you wear a ball cap (now called a "hat") you will go bald.
    • this never bothered me because i wanted to go bald (still do, but doesn't look like it will happen). what bothers me is that someone would say that to a child. for me it was a grandparent that delivered such news. what is so disappointing is that such a falsehead is easily dispelled by watching baseball. take a look at pete rose for example. . .or randy johnson. these guys wore a hat for most of their lives and have enough hair to wear-out hedge trimmers.
  • babies are cute.
    • later this was modified into "when you have kids, you will think they are cute. . .even if they are ugly". this just isn't true. babies are ugly. i mean really ugly. occasionally they will do something that we think is cute, but that doesn't make them cute.
  • the detroit lions will eventually have a winning season
    • ok, i haven't heard this exactly. . .but i've heard statements that are close to this. keep dreaming.

more later. . .

peace and java

warrior child quotes

keep in mind landon's answers from his kindergarten test ("what season do you wear shorts?" - check this post).

so the other day, landon comes in dripping with sweat and says, "i had to come in because i was getting too cold out there." i then asked him, "do you mean hot?" landon: "both".

then on saturday the wife had to run some errands around lunch time. she apparently didn't arrive home early enough for landon's approval. he began talking about lunch and food. then he said, "i love lunch time. i love to eat. i love food." eventually he couldn't wait another moment. he asked if he could call mommy. his end of the conversation went something like, "mama, it's lunch time. are you coming home right now?"

there is a reason he is so big. when people ask me "what do you feed him?" i simply say "yes."

more later. . .
peace and java

golf is not a sport

this is a follow-up on the comment from the previous post:

wow. such hostility. you sound like a british soccer fan.

i will still contend that golf is not a sport. you say the course is the defense, but what is the course's offense? in a sport, each team has an offense and a defense. with golf, the golfer is on offense all the time and the course is on defense all the time.

now, if we want to make it a sport, i suggest that we install some computerized tennis ball shooters that fire upon the players. how ever many shots the course takes before hitting the player in the head is the course score for that golfer.

or we could make it more like football and have 2 teams of golfers line up facing each other in the tee box. when the guy with the club yells "one", the ball is hiked between the knickers to the caddy who then places the ball quickly on the tee. the defensive squad has until the guy yells "four" (no longer spelled "fore") to break through the o line and block the drive. each shot would be played this way until he gets on the green. . .at which point it would become more like curling and everyone would get a shot at either making it into the hole or blocking the other team's attempts.

until such measures are taken, i will continue to believe the truth about golf: it is a competitive game, but not a sport.

fyi, the next part of my argument relates to the meanings of words and why we have synonyms. since this is the summer, i really don't want to deal with issues relating to "school-type stuff". . .so please don't make me bring it out.

more later. . .
peace and java

kindergarten adventure begins

so the warrior child passed his kindergarten test. it was an exciting event (a few pictures can be seen here). below are some of the highlights of the test:

  • question: what is your phone number?
    answer: "2"
    explanation: we currently only have cell phones and have set the speed dial on each of the phones so that 2 gets the other cell.
  • question: which of the following pictures is a sport?
    answer: (he got the right one--tennis, but he looked at me for a couple seconds before answering)
    explanation: i usually drill landon on what activities are sports and what activities are not sports. for example, baseball is a sport, but golf is not. so he thought he might be in trouble if he picked something that dad doesn't consider a sport. for those of you that believe golf is a sport, please demonstrate the defensive aspects of the game and show me that there is sufficient physical exertion to warrant sport status (do us both a favor and please don't try to convince me that by walking the course, it is difficult).
  • question: what season do we wear shorts?
    answer: winter
    explanation: for some reason, landon enjoys wearing long-sleeved, long-legged pjs during the summer months and then wants to wear shorts in the winter. he even kicks the blankets off in winter, but piles them on in summer. so i'd say he answered correctly for him, but not for the majority of the populace.

all-in-all, he had a lot of fun (even though the basketball he had to catch was a michigan ball). . .and did very well.

more later. . .

peace and java

happy father's day

so yeah, yesterday was dad's day and it was all great waking up to the warrior child telling me that i had to wake up to get my gift. . .which he wanted to play with. then captain destructo (aka dalton) kept hacking and blowing junk out his nose. . .so i stayed home with him so that the wife could go work in the nursery. it was amazing! who knew so much snot could come from such a little kid?

my children were nice enough to allow me a nap in the afternoon. . .after taking turns cuddling each of them (don't mind that at all). . .and actually, auburn took part of her nap on me.

the wife got the privilege of wiping dalton's nose during the evening service as i was on projector duty. so i'm getting the dvd presentation ready and landon tells me he has to go to the restroom. no biggie. . .until sister decides she has to go to. unfortunately, that idea struck her a little too late. so i find an empty men's room and wipe down the soggy child (thank goodness mom had sent an extra set of clothes for playground night. . .too bad she had to use them before church even started). what really frustrated me was the smile on her face as i was cleaning her.

it reminded me of a bathroom visit with the original child. i think we were visiting nicole's grandparents in ohio and had stopped to get something to eat. landon had a messy diaper and i got the happy job of detox. not thinking about the fact that he had never been into a public restroom, i laid him down and proceeded to prepare for surgery. . .at which point he crawled over to the men's room vertical specials and began to splash away. i was totally grossed out as he proceeded to slap his face and mouth with the infected hands. i quickly grabbed him up, washed his hands and then attempted to regain composure so as to remove the soiled diaper. as i re-attempted the extraction, he smiled up at me and said, "that was kinda funny."

i'm laughing now, but i wasn't then. truly, it is great to be a father. . .as long as i survive.

more later. . .

peace and java

montly post

so the kids are all a different age than last month. so exciting it takes a line here at the top. i have some pics and videos i want to post. . .i'll get to it eventually.

i do want to mention that landon got to go to kindergarten roundup last week. he has been geeked about school ever since. he asks almost every day if it is time for him to go to school. he cracks me up. below is a picture of him at roundup. the teacher had asked them to raise their hands for something and never told them to put them down. . .so he didn't. for at least 2 minutes, he was the only one to still have his hand up. finally the ladybug came along and helped him lower his hand.

to make sure he is ready for school, we got landon a desk for his room. . .and i had to make sure there was a computer on his desk. below is a picture of him with his "new" computer. it is an older gateway solo which i named "han". landon was thrilled to know that his computer had a star wars name. he got out his han solo character in honor of the new addition.

some things i don't want to forget:

  • landon usually calls dalton "the one-year old"
  • dalton points with all of his fingers
  • dalton imitates a cough after anyone coughs or sneezes
  • dalton loves to shave with daddy (just like landon used to)
  • auburn often makes clothing choices based on the color purple or if i said i like it.
  • for his 5th birthday, landon said that he only wanted star wars items. grandma said that she only gets yucky stuff for birthdays. . .like clothes. landon's response: "i hope its yoda clothes."
  • during a sleepover, landon and his friends stayed up till 11:15 goofing around. for the last 15 minutes i listened to them giggle as they talked about what would happen if a house fell on them or a tree or a person or cottage cheese. landon was sure that if a tree fell on him he could catch it. . .or run away from it.

more later. . .

peace and java

captain cheena

this is the way auburn pronounces cappacino. my wife got my a captain cheena machine not too long ago and her sister stopped by last night to teach us how to use it. tonight was my first trial on my own and auburn thought it was great. landon pretended to enjoy it, but wasn't interested in having more. auburn had about 10 spoon fuls and kept asking for more. i took some pics, but would rather get some sleep than post them now.

more later. . .
peace and java

. . .

they did it again. they were the better team. . .and i can't wait to hear someone make the comment that osu's basketball team had to wait too long for the championship game. i expected the point spread to be 13 or greater, so it wasn't as bad as i thought. oden goes to the nba and osu falls in the standings. if oden decides to stay, it could be an interesting year.

on a happier note, the warrior child has taken up photography. here is his first gallery. my favorite pics are the closeups of his nose.

you may or may not have noticed that this blog has been "hacked" recently. as i've said before, this system is incredibly easy to access, but i am making some modifications to hopefully keep that from being a problem in the future.

more later. . .

peace and java

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quote of the day:

Some folks never exaggerate--they just remember big. -- Audrey Snead


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